


Puhuhuhu! I’m Bored, so Entertain Me!

by happy_waffles



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types
Genre: ((one day I'll finish this I swear)), ((or at least's what I keep telling myself siiigh)), M/M, but I went with a maybe not-so conventional route with it lol, like the idol Kiibo fic I wrote, the theme I chose was 'children', this fic was also for Saiibo week
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-05
Updated: 2018-11-05
Packaged: 2019-08-19 09:30:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16531922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/happy_waffles/pseuds/happy_waffles
Summary: Unfortunately, the killing game is off the table, so Monokuma comes up with another way to mess with everyone.





	Puhuhuhu! I’m Bored, so Entertain Me!

**Author's Note:**

> I debated over posting this here or not since it's not finished (it hasn't been for months, lol),  
> but I think what I did finish can still be somewhat entertaining.
> 
> And I still do want to finish this! But it takes a while for me to do write anything, tbh.  
> If I ever do get around to finally adding the last few scenes, I'll be sure to update this.
> 
> Also, that *"mphff" was Rantaro clamping a hand over Kokichi's mouth b/c Kokichi was going to say "That's a lie. He was actually busy doing me," lol.

The TV in Shuichi’s room flickered on.

“A-SPECIAL-ANNOUNCE-MENT!” a voice screeched. It was one of the damned Monokubs.

Shuichi groaned and buried his head under a pillow. But it was useless—he could still hear everything.

“A special announcement?” Monotaro echoed. “I didn’t hear anything about that!”

“We _just_ talked about that a few minutes ago, you idiot!” Monosuke shouts.

“Hmm, really?”

“Yes, really! Maybe I oughta give a lil punch and see if _that_ helps you remember.”

“Ha! I’d like to see you try—”

There were some shuffling sounds, and then…

“Stop it, you two!” Monophanie cuts in. “We shouldn’t be fighting!”

“Why don’t you mind yer own business!”

“You’re fighting right in front of me, so it _is_ my business!”

 _Ugh_. Can they get to the point already? It’s bad enough the Monokubs wake everyone up in an obnoxious way every day, but now they’re taking their sweet time doing it.

Thankfully, not even Monokid was in the mood to stretch things out.

“Fuck this shit, I’ve got things to do today!” he complains, pushing his bickering siblings out of the camera’s line of sight.

“Listen up, you bastards,” he says, bringing his face closer to the camera, “Papa Kuma wants all your asses in the gym for…uh, what was it again?”

“I-BELIEVE-FATHER-SAID-IT-WAS-FOR-SOME-BONDING-EXERCISES.”

“No one asked you!”

And with that, the TV (thankfully) flickers off.

But it’s not like it did him much good. Shuichi still had to go to the gym and participate in whatever ridiculous activity Monokuma was cooking up.

What a terrible day this was shaping up to be.

…

“Yikes,” Kaito says as he sees Shuichi enter the gym. “Even your eyebags have eyebags.”

“Well, who’s fault do you think that is?”

Kaito just gives him a shit-eating grin. “Aw, c’mon, Shuichi! Our training session last night was getting too intense to stop!”

“That’s funny,” Shuichi dryly replies. “I distinctly remember you just gossiping mindlessly while me and Maki were busy doing the push-ups _you_ assigned.”

“Oh, would look at that,” Kaito says lightly, pretending to see off into the distance, “I have to go and do something important somewhere else.”

Shuichi doesn’t even bother to chase after him like he usually does. He just slumps against the wall and waits for the others to arrive.

The sooner he gets this over with, the sooner he can go back to sleep.

Besides Kaito and himself, four other people were in the gym: Kirumi (“Are you hungry or thirsty, Shuichi?”), Ryoma (“What are you lookin’ at, kid?), Korekiyo (“Ah, good morning, Shuichi”), and Tsumugi (“I wonder what’s Monokuma up to this time? Aren’t you curious, too, Shuichi?)—so basically, all the morning people.

Now, they were waiting for the responsible stragglers—the ones who took their time to get ready but not so long that they were late.

After a handful of minutes, in came Kaede (“Shuichi, you _gotta_ sleep more”), Gonta (“Sorry Gonta late, everyone! Gonta got distracted by tiny bugs”), Tenko (“Himiko, why are you angry with me?!”), Himiko (“Because you woke me up! I wanted to sleep more!!”), and Maki (“I can knock you unconcious, Shuichi. That might help with the eyebags.”)

After denying Maki’s (scary) offer, Shuichi lets his body sink to the floor, drawing up his knees close to his chest and letting his cheek rest against his crossed arms.

Now they were waiting for the people who lived in their own time frame to show up.

And after waiting a _looong_ while, they finally did.

In came walking Angie (“Ya ha ho~! Atua told me to sleep in today”), Rantaro (“Haha, guess I overslept again, sorry, guys”), Kokichi (“That’s a lie. He was actually busy doing mphff—“*), Miu (“Fuck this! I need my beauty sleep!”), Kiibo (“Shuichi, are you okay?”), and Monokuma.

Because _of_ _course_ he would show up late to his own meeting, that damned bear.

Shuichi lets Kiibo help him get back on his feet but he can’t say much to the robot because Monokuma chose in that moment to start talking.

“Aaaaalright, my lovelies!” Monokuma sing-songs in that sickeningly sweet voice of his. “Seeing as we’re unfortunately _not_ doing that little killing game I was so looking forward to, we’re going to spice things up a different way.”

“And just how are you going to ‘spice things up’?” Maki asks, her fingers curled in air quotes.

“I’m so glad you asked!” Monokuma gleefully shouts. “You see, we’re going to be doing a classic high school activity—the baby assignment!”

Much to Monokuma’s annoyance, there was no applause. There was a polite clap and a cough, though. Whatever, that wouldn’t spoil his fun.

“You mean, that thing where humans pretend that they’re the parent of a doll or sack of flower?” Kiibo asks, his hand poised up as if he was a student and Monokuma the teacher. (In a way, they all were, Shuichi muses).

“Yup!” Monokuma confirms. “Except I’ve decided to shake things up a little”—no surprise there—“instead of a doll or a sack of flour being the baby, some of _you_ are going to be the baby.”

_Huh?_

“And the others will be parents,” Monokuma continues explaining. “The rules are simple—you will all draw sticks. Each stick has a color and a number. If a stick is blue, you’re one of the parents. If a stick is yellow, you’re the baby. And if the sticks all have the same number, you’re a family. Got it?”

“But wait!” Tsumugi cuts in, her hand raised high. “There are 16 of us, so if we split into groups of three, someone will be left out.”

“Oh, don’t worry, I noticed,” Monokuma cheerfully answers. “I’ve prepared something special for that. If you get a stick that’s black, then your job is to make it _hard_ for people to properly care for their baby. Because if they _don’t_ …well, let’s just say I will have a _very_ fun time thinking up punishments.”

“W-Wait, so we’re being graded for this?!” Himeko sputters.

“Hmm…yeah, basically,” Monokuma says with a shrug. “So make sure you get a passing grade—my cute wittle Monokubs will be watching!”

And with that, he disappears, and the Monokubs take his place.

“Let’s get this over with,” Monosuke sighs.

“What are you complaining for!” Monokid shouts, struggling under the weight of a sleek box. “ _I’m_ the one doing the heavy-lifting!”

“Hey, I am, too!” Monotaro pipes up from his corner of the box, also struggling under its weight.

“Oh, stop fighting and just put the damn box down,” Monophanie says.

With a heavy _thud!_ , Monokid and Monotaro set the box down. Well, more like they let it slip out of their hands.

Monodam then steps forward. “IN-AN-ORDERLY-FASHION-PLEASE-PUT-YOUR-HAND-IN-AND-CHOOSE-A-STICK.”

It was quiet for a while, except for the small sounds of shuffling feet or ruffling clothes. Someone let out another cough.

“Well, better than doing a killing game, I guess,” Rantaro finally says, shrugging.

He then slips his hand into the box’s thin slit and pulls out a stick. Blue. So he was a parent.

With him breaking the ice, soon others were fishing out their own sticks. 

Kaede went after him (she got yellow), then Kirumi (blue), then Korekiyo (blue), then Kaito (yellow), then Tsumugi (blue), then Gonta (yellow), Himeko (yellow), Tenko (blue), Maki (blue), Ryoma (blue), Kiibo (blue), Miu (yellow), Shuichi (blue), Kokichi (blue), and Angie (black).

“Aw, man,” Kokichi whines. “I wanted to get the black stick!”

“Nya-ha-ha!” Angie giggles. “That’s too bad!”

 _Thank_ _god_ _he_ _didn’t_ , Shuichi thinks. _It_ _would_ _be_ _absolute_ _hell_ _if_ _he_ _did_.

Although Angie getting it wasn’t much better.

“OKAY,” Monodam says after the buzz from drawing sticks died down. “NOW-PLEASE-FIND-PEOPLE-WITH-THE-SAME-NUMBERS-THAT-ARE-ON-EACH-OF-YOUR-STICKS. THEY-WILL-BE-YOUR-FAMILY-FOR-THE-REST-OF-THE-DAY.”

There was a flurry of commotion, what with everyone trying to find their assigned “families.” Contributing most to the commotion was Tenko, however. Even from his side of the gym, Shuichi could still hear her anguished cry of “ _Noooo_! I wanted to be Himiko’s wife, not her mother!”

After a while of mindlessly watching chaos unfold, Shuichi looks at his stick. A five, huh?

“Does anyone else have a five?” he calls out admist all the laughter and yelling.

“Oh, yes! Gonta has five!” Gonta happily answers, rushing over to the detective.

“A-Ah, that’s…nice,” Shuichi responds, slightly startled. It’s just that Gonta has such an indimidating frame and height…

Shuichi takes a peek at the bug enthusiast’s stick. It was yellow.

 _So_ _he’s_ _the_ _child_ … _A_ _really_ _big_ _child_.

“Did I hear correctly?” a voice asked. “Is this where all the fives are gathering?”

Shuichi’s heart starts to flutter. During the stick drawing, he has hoping to be paired with a particular person…

“Yup!” Gonta cheerfully confirms.

“Oh, good. I finally found the right group…Hey, Gonta, who’s hiding behind you?”

“Oh!” Gonta says. “That’s Shuichi.” He then gently pulls the squirming detective to the front.

So now Shuichi has no excuse _not_ to look at Kiibo.

The robot blinks. “Why were you hiding behind Gonta?”

“No reason,” Shuichi says quickly.

Thankfully, before Kiibo can ask anymore questions, Monophanie starts speaking.

Looking up from the card game she was playing with Monosuke and Monotaro, she addresses everyone in the gym:

“Okay, looks like everyone found their families. That’s great! Let’s get started, then.” She slams down a card (which makes Monosuke tsk and Monotaro say “Aw, man!”) before continuing.

“Seeing as Daddy decided to do this activity when the week is almost over, we’ll only be doing this for the remaining days that are left. So you’ll be families for roughly two days. But it’s one day really, because Sunday is evaluation day.”

“So do your best in this short time you have together!” she cheers.

“But are we even supposed to _do?_ ” Maki cuts in, impatient. This whole thing was, frankly, a waste of her time. A very _stupid_ waste of her time.

“Hmm, good point.” Monophanie looks over at Monodam, who was currently doing his best to endure Monokid’s rage.

“THE-FIRST-EVENT”— _whack_!—“SHOULD-BE”— _whack_! _whack_!—“TO-GET-TO-KNOW”— _whack_!—“YOUR-CHILDREN”— _whack_! _whack_! _whack_!

Monokid’s guitar broke.

“Oooh!” Monophanie says, ignoring the abuse. “What a good idea!”

She then turns to face the sixteen teenagers again. “The first assignment is for the parents to get to know their children’s likes and dislikes. You know, their favorite foods, clothes, topics, shows. Stuff like that. And then the parents will be quizzed on it throughout the morning!”

“Oh!” she suddenly exclaims. “But don’t think that you can just ask your children. Oh no, no, no. Babies can’t talk, you know. They can’t write, either. So if we catch any of your children talking or writing about things related to their likes and dislikes…you _will_ be punished.”

Well, shit. Now this was just going to be even _more_ annoying.

“Also,” Monotaro sing-songs, “will the one who drew the black stick step forward?”

“Oh, that’s me,” Angie says, smiling.

“Since your job is to cause chaos, you’ll be reporting to and working with us Monokubs,” Monotaro explained.

“Sounds like fun!”

“Ok, well…I think that’s everything, right?” Monokid says, scratching his head.

“Yeah, pretty much,” Monophanie answers.

“Well, fuckin’ finally!” Monosuke yells, picking up all the cards on the floor. “This took fuckin’ forever to do!”

“So we do we just…leave?”

“Yeah, pretty much,” Monophanie echoes.

“Ok, then.”

Motioning to Angie, the Monokubs all strike a pose. “Ok, Angie, say it with us. One, two, three…RISE AND SHINE URSINE!”

And then they all disappear, with Angie in tow and slips of paper falling down like confetti in the gym acting as their replacement.

It’s quiet for a few minutes.

After a while, Rantaro moves to pick up one of the slips of paper. Scanning it quickly, he announces, “Oh, good. They provided some guidelines.”

“I guess that’s better than going in blind,” Korekiyo says, picking up his own slip of paper. “That quiz they mentioned earlier sounds like a pain.”

“I think it sounds like fun,” Tsumugi chirps.

“I think it does, too!” Kaede agrees.

“Like hell it does,” Miu grumbles. She had things to invent, people to annoy, naps to take. Jeez, if she was going to be someone’s dumb baby, they better fuckin’ pamper her like the child prodigy that she is.

Soon enough, the gym is once again filled with chatter and noisy shuffling.

“I’ll go and get slips of paper for all of us,” Kiibo says, pointing over to where Rantaro was standing.

“Good idea!” Gonta responds cheerfully.

Shuichi just nods, to show that he was listening. Although he wasn’t, not really. He was too distracted over the thought that he and Kiibo were Gonta’s “parents.” Because didn’t that then make them a “married couple”…?

Shuichi blushes at the thought.

This was going to be a _long_ , awkward day, he could already tell.

…

Some “families” split off and did their own thing while others stayed behind to work with other groups or simply hang out. Shuichi even overhears Maki agonizing on where to start first—do they try to find out Kaito's favorite anime character first, or should they do his favorite sneaker brand instead—both of which sounded annoying. Kaito did like obscure stuff, after all.

Shuichi’s group was of the former: they (under Kiibo’s insistence) branched off from the others and decided to go and find out what Gonta’s favorite food was, like their piece of paper recommended them to do (hence why they were heading to the dining room).

“I just wish Gonta was allowed to give us at least _one_ tiny clue,” Shuichi sighs.

Gonta shakes his head sadly. “Sorry, Shuichi. Gonta no want to hurt anyone by telling.”

“As do I,” Kiibo agrees. The cons of such an action far outweighed its pros.

 “Besides,” the robot adds, his chest puffed out and his fists triumphantly planted on his hips, “I’m sure one of my many useful functions will help us along the way! You’re lucky to have me in this group.”

“Yes.” Gonta smiles. “Kiibo is very amazing.”

“Thank you for noticing!”

Shuichi can’t help but smile, too. The friendly atmosphere of his group was too infectious.

…

Entering the dining room, they find Angie waiting for them.

“Hello!” she cheerfully greets them.

“Hi,” Shuichi says cautiously.

She pats the back of a chair. “Please sit here, Gonta.”

Gonta reluctantly does.

With another flourish, she makes a fancy gesture towards the kitchen. “Will the parents please step into the kitchen and make their sweet child something to eat?”

“Uh, sure.” Shuichi motions Kiibo to come. “C’mon, Kiibo.”

“Not ‘Kiibo,’” Angie butts in. “It’s ‘honey’ or ‘sweetheart.’”

Both Shuichi and Kiibo stop to look at her.

What?

“You’re married,” Angie says, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “Atua says it’s only natural to call each other pet names.”

“M-Married?” Kiibo sputters, his face red.

Shuichi’s face was just as equally red.

“You’re Gonta’s parents, so _of course_ you’re married~!” 

She then whips out a clipboard and pen out of the folds of her clothes. “Acting like Gonta’s parents isn’t the only thing you have to do, you know. You’re also graded on how much you act like a married couple.”

“And if you don’t want to _lose_ points”—here she menacingly taps her pen against the clipboard—“you’d hop to it.”

“R-Right.” Kiibo angles his head so that he’s facing Shuichi but not quite looking at him. “Let’s go…my detective prince."

He didn’t it think was possible, but now Shuichi could feel his blush reach all the way down to his toes. _What's with that pet name?!_ He runs a hand through his hair, covers his mouth, bites his bottom lip, internally screams—Shuichi does anything and everything to calm his heart. _Whatthefuck, whatthefuck, whatthefuck!!_

“Oh, a _very_ nice choice.” Angie writes something down on her clipboard. “And what do you say in return, Shuichi?”

Shuichi pretends to cough a bit, trying to regain his composure. But then Kiibo kindly pats his back, and the "detective prince" starts losing it all over again.

"Shuichi, are you alright?" Kiibo asks, his cool, metallic hand touching the teen's forehead. "You're warmer than you should be."

"I'm...I'm fine." _It's ok to say it, right? Right? It's part of the test, after all..._ "You don't have to worry about me, m..my...fluffy-haired angel..." Shuichi's face heats up even more as he says it (or was is Kiibo's hand that was heating up...?)

Meanwhile, Angie stands there, amused. "What fun pet names you two came up with," she says, twirling her pen. "Even Atua's impressed." She writes another thing down on her clipboard. "Full points."

Shuichi and Kiibo just blush some more.

…

“I’m starting to think it would have been better if Kokichi got the black stick,” Shuichi says as they enter the kitchen. His blush still hasn’t died down.

Kiibo shudders. “No thank you. My calculations are telling me that Kokichi would have done something much, _much_ worse…” A pause and then Kiibo quietly adds, “H-Honey.”

“Ah,” Shuichi starts, embarrassed. “You don’t have to keep saying it, Kiibo. The kitchen door’s closed, so Angie can’t hear us. Besides, I think she’s busy testing Gonta now.”

“O-Oh,” Kiibo says. “Ok.”

Is it just Shuichi’s imagination or did Kiibo look a little disappointed by that?

“Anyway, let’s whip up something quick then.” Kiibo starts rummaging through the refrigerator. “I’m a little anxious leaving Gonta to fend for himself.”

 _Wow_ , _he’s really acting like Gonta’s parent_ , Shuichi notes, impressed. And to be honest, he was also nervous to leave Gonta alone with Angie. Who knows what she’s making him do right now? Poor guy.

But still, they had to do this correctly.

Grabbing Kiibo’s wrist to get his attention, Shuichi shakes his head. “Wait, Kiibo. Don’t forget that we’re still being tested. Earlier Angie said to make Gonta something to eat, but I think what she’s really looking for is whether or not we make his favorite food.”

“Ah, you’re right!” Kiibo exclaims. He then smiles. “Your astute thinking is what makes you a great detective, Shuichi.”

Shuichi feels his blush flare up again. “Thanks, Kiibo.” He lets go of the robot’s wrist and turns away. “A-Anyway, let’s brainstorm what we know about Gonta, and see if we can determine his favorite food like that.”

“That’s a good idea,” Kiibo agrees, getting pumped up. “And with my ability to calculate choices and rate their probability of success, we might actually get the right answer!”

Shuichi smiles at the robot’s enthusiasm. _Cute_.

“Well, let’s see…” The detective pauses to think for a moment. “We know Gonta was raised by wolves, so he would never eat meat.”

“That’s rules out 47% of the things in the fridge,” Kiibo states. He then crinkles his nose. “That’s a lot of meat.”

“On the bright side, it helps narrow our options.”

Shuichi starts pacing around the kitchen. He doesn’t know much about Gonta, aside from knowing he adored animals and insects. “If only Kirumi were here…She likes to serve everyone meals, so she might know what Gonta’s favorite food is…”

Kiibo puffs out his cheeks. “I’m just as good as her,” he mutters.

“Hm…? Did you say something, Kiibo?”

“Ah, um, n-nothing!” he sputters, waving his hands frantically. “It’s just that…now that I think about it, I might have that information tucked away in my data records…”

“Really?” Shuichi says, excited.

“Yeah,” Kiibo affirms, delighted to have Shuichi’s attention again. “I have an automatic recording function, and seeing as I join everyone for breakfast, I should definitely have some images on what Gonta has eaten for the past few days.”

“I’ll just pull up the data and see what Gonta ordered the most times from Kirumi…” Kiibo’s eyes start to fizz out as he concentrated.

“Wait.” Kiibo feels a hand on his shoulder, making his eyes fizz back into focus. “You have…an automatic recording feature…?”

“Y-Yeah…?” Didn’t he already tell Shuichi this? What was there to be confused about?

“Does that mean…the thing from earlier…you know, with Angie…was it all recorded?”

“Oh.” Kiibo looks away. “Yes.”

Shuichi wants to die from embarrassment. “Is there anyway to…to delete it?”

Kiibo waves a dismissive hand. “Don’t worry, when I go into sleep mode, I have an automatic pruning period.” Noticing Shuichi’s confused face, he adds, “It means any unnecessary data will be deleted.”

Shuichi lets out a sigh of relief. “Good.”

What Kiibo doesn’t tell Shuichi is that he’s still the one who chooses what the program keeps or deletes—and Kiibo’s definitely _not_ deleting that moment from earlier.

…

After finding a high enough probability of a remembered meal in Kiibo’s memory banks being Gonta’s favorite food, the pair worked to make it and finally, after what seemed like ages (to Angie at least), brought it back to the dining room.

“Finally!” Angie exclaims, exasperated. “Even Atua was getting impatient!”

“Sorry for the wait,” Kiibo apologizes. “But, really, it was only ten minutes.”

“Ten minutes is too long when we puny humans live such short lives,” Angie hums. “Anyway!” she says, clapping her hands. “What have you made for dear Gonta?”

Kiibo puffs up his chest. “We made a meal that is 28% guaranteed to be Gonta’s favorite food.”

“What a low number!” Angie giggles.

“It was the best my data could offer—!”

Shuichi puts a gentle hand on Kiibo’s shoulder. “Let’s just show it to them already, ah, s-sweetheart.”

“Oh. Ok.” Kiibo nods. Noticing Angie’s stare, he quickly adds, “Darling.”

Kiibo pulls the silver top from the plate to reveal…

“Tofu curry with sweet potatoes!” Gonta says, his eyes shining. “That’s Gonta’s favorite!”

“Amazing!” Angie claps. “That really _is_ his favorite. You’ve earned full marks for the food portion of the morning quiz!" She pulls out a card from her yellow smock, stamps it, and then hands it off to Shuichi. "Please see one of the Monokubs to complete the other portions."

“Right,” Shuichi says, taking the card while inwardly groaning. _I was hoping there wouldn't be more after this one_...

Still, they passed one portion, and that meant they were one step _further_ from being the unlucky group punished by Monokuma, so Shuichi gratefully pulls Kiibo into a tight hug. It wasn't excuse to touch him or anything, Shuichi swears. “Kiibo, you did it! _You’re_ the amazing one here!”

“T-Thank you,” Kiibo says, happily eating up the praise.

The little “Hmm~” from Angie makes Shuichi realize that his intentions were thinly-veiled, and he quickly lets go of the robot. God, someone please kill him already.

“Interesting.” Angie furiously notes something down on her clipboard. She then turns to Gonta. “And now what do we say, dear Gonta?”

“Thank you, Papas!” he gleefully shouts out, which makes Shuichi and Kiibo blush all over again.

Angie nods. “Well, Atua says my job here is done. See you all for noon’s quiz!”

…

As they walked out of the dining room, Kaede’s group walked in.

“Oh, Shuichi!” she says. “How’s your group been doing?”

“Well, Angie says we got full marks…” _But all we’ve really been doing is dying from embarrassment_ , he silently adds.

Kaede pats his back. “That’s great!”

“We’ll ace it, too,” Rantaro chimes in. “We have Kirumi on our side, after all.”

Kirumi smiles but noticing that someone was staring at her, she turns her attention on them. It turned out that Kiibo was the one inspecting her.

“Is there anything you need from me, Kiibo?” Kirumi politely asks. Whatever it was, she would be sure to deliver prompt and satisfactory service.

Kiibo shakes his head. “It’s nothing, but thank you for the kind offer.”

“Well, if you say so.”

Kirumi can’t help but notice that while he said that, Kiibo was sporting a rather smug look on his face. It almost felt like he was competing with her. For what, she couldn’t possibly begin to guess.

…

Shuichi’s group was taking refuge outside on the grass, just enjoying the breeze after having finished the monokids' annoying tests (with Gonta excitedly pointing out all the bugs and gushing on about them), when they heard the speakers crackle.

“Ya ha ho!” a playful voice rings out. “Angie here to deliver the news! The noon test will start soon! The theme this time is…family photos!”

What.

“So please dress up and head to the gym when you’re ready!”

Shuichi groans. He really hated photos. Especially family photos—they were just extra embarrassing.

“What’s wrong, Shuichi?” Gonta asks.

“Oh, it’s nothing,” he says. “It’s just…what are we even supposed to wear for the family photo??”

“I can answer that!” Kiibo shouts. “Let’s see…my database is telling me that wearing matching clothes when taking family photos is popular with people.”

“No thanks.” Shuichi shakes his head. “That sounds _super_ embarrassing.”

“Aww, but Gonta wants to,” Gonta says sadly. “It sounds fun.”

“Yeah, me, too!” Kiibo agrees.

With the two of them looking at Shuichi with such sad expressions on their faces, it didn’t take long for Shuichi to cave in to them.

“Fine,” he sighs. “We can wear matching clothes.”

“Yes!” Gonta and Kiibo high-five each other.

“Let’s ask Tsumugi if she has any spare clothes, then,” Kiibo adds, excited.

…

Having finished taking Maki’s group’s train wreck of a family photo (courtesy of her relentless teasing of Maki about Kaito), Angie readies her camera for the next group and calls out, “Next!”

She hears some shuffling noises of the next group taking up the podium, and when she looks up, she sees it’s Shuichi’s group.

Dressed in matching bunny suits.

Angie can’t help but burst out laughing. “What…in Atua’s name…are you even _wearing?_ ” she wheezes out.

Shuichi blushes. “It was the only matching outfits Tsumugi had left!” (Apparently, Shuichi’s group weren’t the only ones to think of wearing matching outfits. Strangely enough, Kokichi’s group were all decked out in outfits inspired by Japanese folklore, possibly due to Korekiyo’s influence).

“You…You all…look great,” she giggles.

Kiibo puffs out his chest again. “I think so, too.”

Gonta’s face brightens and he tells Angie a happy “Thank you.”

Seriously. Someone please kill Shuichi right now. Before his embarrassment gets any worse.

“Ok, ok,” Angie says, more to herself than to them. “Please get in position. I’ll be taking your picture in 3…2…1…Say cheese!”

“Cheese!”

…

“Shuichi, how long are you going to look at our family photo?” Kiibo asks.

 _Until it magically disappears from my memories and this plane of existence_ , Shuichi wants to say. But he doesn’t. Instead, he just sighs and puts the photo down on the table. (They were taking a lunch break, and Gonta had gone to the bathroom for a bit).

“When is the afternoon test again?”

“Around 4 pm.” Kiibo does some quick calculations in his head. “So in about thirty minutes.” 

Shuichi sighs again. He’s not sure he’s mentally ready for another embarrassing experience.

“You’ve been sighing a lot,” Kiibo notices.

“Huh? Oh, I guess I’m just…tired.”

“I can help with that!” Kiibo says, perking up. “I have massaging features on my fingers!”

“Hmm.” Shuichi mulls it over for a bit. On one hand, Kiibo might end up leaving him feeling worse (the robot wasn’t exactly graceful in his movements), but on the other hand, Kiibo would be touching him…

“You know what? Go ahead, Kiibo,” Shuichi finally says. (His thirst won over his reasoning).

“Great, just leave it to me!”

Kiibo starts with Shuichi’s neck and, to Shuichi’s surprise, the pain he expected never came. Instead, the touch was quite delicate and actually felt kind of… _good_.

He starts leaning into Kiibo’s touch, and while Shuichi himself didn’t notice, Kiibo sure did. It made him determined to make the detective feel even better (and gave him more than a few butterflies in his stomach).

The robot starts working down from Shuichi’s neck: he carefully kneads Shuichi’s back bones, diligently rubs down Shuichi’s spine, and gently pummels his lower back. Shuichi all but melts under Kiibo’s expert touch.

“Kiibo, can you go a little lower…?”

“You mean right here?” Kiibo presses a finger down.

Shuichi lets an incomprehensible noise out. “Yeah, right there,” he says weakly.

Kiibo interprets the weakness in his voice as sign that the detective was feeling relaxed. _So I must be doing a good job!_ the robot thinks happily to himself.

He decides to take the massage up a notch by activating the vibrating features on his fingers—which makes Shuichi suddenly sit up straight and Kiibo reel back in surprise.

“S-Shuichi…? Did…did I hurt you?”

Shuichi aggressively shakes his head. “No, it’s just…when your fingers started vibrating, I was…caught off guard.”

“Sorry, I should have gave you a heads-up,” Kiibo apologizes. “I just wanted you to experience the full extent of my massaging features…Did you not like it?”

“That’s…” Shuichi looks away. After a while, he says, “I…liked it.”

Kiibo brightens upon hearing that. “Great! So can I continue?”

Shuichi buries his face into his hands. “Yes,” he mumbles.

Kiibo places his hands on Shuichi’s back again, rubbing the tense skin with his thumbs and generally letting the vibrations rock the detective’s body.

Meanwhile, it was getting harder and harder for Shuichi to keep his voice in check. He makes a mental note to complain to Miu later about how she made Kiibo’s massaging features a little _too_ good.

…

Gonta had come back from the bathroom ages ago, but noticing the weird atmosphere between Shuichi and Kiibo (but mostly Shuichi), he decides to wait outside the dining room until they’re done doing whatever it is they’re doing.

Because he’s a true gentleman.

…

“Gonta, what took you so long in the bathroom?” Kiibo asks once the Ultimate Entomologist finally walks into the dining room. (Shuichi was busy trying to cool down his blush by fanning himself).

“Ah.” Gonta scratches his check. “Gonta was…busy.”

“That’s incredibly vague, young ma—”

Luckily for Gonta, it was in that moment that the TV in the dining room flickered on, saving him from the motherly lecture Kiibo was planning to give.

“Gooooooood afternoon, you bastards!” Monotaro shouts.

Angie pats Monotaro’s head fondly. “Yes, good afternoon.” Turning her attention back on the camera, she smiles sweetly. “Just two trials left, everyone, including this one. And the theme this time is…competing with other groups to see who can gush about their child the most! A ‘Gush Off,’ if you will.”

Shuichi just sighs. “Seriously…?” _And what a lame name_ , he silently adds.

“The ‘Gush Off’ will take place in the gardens!” Monotaro chimes in. “So get a move on already!”

“C’mon, Shuichi!” Kiibo says, pulling on the detective’s arm. “We don’t want to be late!”

Wait a minute. Was Kiibo actually _excited_ for this event??

…

Shuichi’s group were the third group to head over to the gardens, with the other two being Kokichi’s group and Tenko’s group.

Tenko wrinkles her nose at Shuichi’s group. It was full of degenerate males, with not a single girl in sight—how could she _not_ be disgusted? Still, her Master taught her to mind her manners.

Reluctantly, she acknowledges Shuichi’s group’s existence with a nod.

Noticing this, Shuichi politely waves back at her. _She’s trying_ , _at least_ , _so I should at least meet her halfway_ , is what he thinks to himself as he waves.

“Oh, look, it’s Shuichi, Kee-boy, and TreeHead,” Kokichi trills as soon as the trio were in his line of sight.

“Who’s TreeHead?” Gonta asks, confused. Shuichi just puts a hand on Gonta’s arm and shakes his head. It wasn’t worth explaining.

“It’s Kii _bo_ ,” Kiibo corrects, annoyed.

“Sure, whatever you say, Kee-boy.”

“Kii.BO. It’s Kii- _boooo_ —”

Shuichi decides to go and chat with Korekiyo and Miu, because once those two start, they won’t stop until one of them (usually Kokichi) was satisfied.

“Hey,” he says while walking up to Korekiyo and Miu. But then he notices that Miu was…wearing a dog collar…and that Korekiyo was holding onto the leash…?

“Ah, hello, Shuichi,” Korekiyo greets him, glad to finally be talking to someone reasonable. (Kokichi was childish and annoying, and Miu was just…unacceptable. As both company _and_ a person).

“Why is she…?” At a lost for words, Shuichi just points at Miu.

“Oh.” Korekiyo barely looks at the blonde inventor. “Kokichi and I just thought this was the best way to handle her.”

Miu flares up in anger. “You shouldn’t be treating me like this, damn it!” she shouts, gritting her teeth. “You should be fuckin’ pampering me—I’m a _genius_ , god damn it! You and Kokichi should be groveling at my feet, feeling grateful that two fuckers like you even have me in your group!”

In a flash, Korekiyo has Miu pinned to the ground, his right hand tightly pulling on the leash to the point that Miu was slightly choking and his left foot mercilessly digging into her back.

“Really, now?” he says in a dangerously low voice, making Miu (and even Shuichi) shiver in fear. “We should be _grateful_ for having a foul-mouthed, pig-headed, self-absorbed, and perverted imbecile on our team?”

“I’m not…” Miu chokes out.

Korekiyo doesn’t even let her finish. “You _are_ ,” he insists, tightening his grip on the leash. “You’re absolute and utter _trash_. Nothing about you is any good—not even your inventions can redeem you. You have no class, no tact. Just the very _sight_ of you disgusts me.”

Despite the fact that she was choking, Miu manages to let an “Ahh…hh…” slip out between her gags.

“ _Disgusting_.” Korekiyo looks at her with repulsion. “Absolutely disgusting.”

Turning his eyes away from her (but not before grinding the heel of his boot into her back some more), he focuses his attention on Shuichi again.

“I wish this day to be over already,” Korekiyo sighs, brushing a loose strand of hair back in place. “If I had been paired with someone more acceptable, like you or Rantaro, maybe I wouldn’t mind so much…”

Oh, Shuichi would have minded very, very much. Just watching Miu get treated like that was reminding the detective of that time back in Hotel Kumasutra when Korekiyo did certain… _things_ …to him. To this day, his body _still_ felt sore.

So he decides to bid the Ultimate Anthropologist a quick goodbye before his body starts remembering any more of that painful night.

…

“It’s not that hard to pronounce! KII and then BO. It’s so simple!”

“Mmm hmm,” Kokochi yawns. “Got it, Kee-boy.”

 _They’re_ _still_ _at_ _it?_ Shuichi thinks as he walks back towards them. He thought they’d be done by now—well, that Kokochi would be, at least.

“Oh, look it’s Shuichi!” Kokichi chirps, cutting off whatever Kiibo was going to say.

“H-Hey, I wasn’t finished—”

“Well, I am,” Kokichi yawns again. “Ya gotta learn to let the fun times go, Kee-boy. Dragging them out is lame.”

“It was _not_ fun!”

Kokichi ignores the robot. “Anyway, Shuichi,” he says, moving on and linking arms with the teen detective. “I saw your family photo. You looked really good in that bunny suit.”

The little squeeze of Shuichi’s arm when Kokichi said “you looked really good” and that small smile that almost seemed _genuine_...Shuichi couldn’t help but blush a little.

“You...were watching...?”

"Of course. It's not everyday I get to see you in a racy outfit." Kokichi's smile morphs into a smirk. "I really enjoyed the view, too."

Shuichi's face was on fire by this point.

Meanwhile, Kiibo did not like what was happening one bit.


End file.
